


Death's Kiss

by Jessicakes1994



Category: My Own Work - Fandom
Genre: Character Death, Character Death Fix, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Grim Reapers, Help, I don't even know what I am writing, My own story - Freeform, Reaper - Freeform, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, boy meets girl, death is a girl, life after life, life sucks, things happen, what next?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-31
Updated: 2018-03-31
Packaged: 2019-04-16 09:42:04
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death
Chapters: 9
Words: 15,232
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14162034
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jessicakes1994/pseuds/Jessicakes1994
Summary: Damen's POV





	1. Beginnings

We all have those bad days, where we wished we never got out of bed. Today was one of those days for me, except I didn't want to crawl back to bed and face tomorrow. I really didn't want to wake up at all. You see, my day started like any other. Sunshine and coffee, buses and cars, the usual commute to a job I didn't like. And that was when all the problems started, I had just gone through the main gate, messing on my phone, when I smelled smoke. Looking up to the building I was supposed to be in, and seeing nothing but flames flickering at fire fighter's water. I was stalled in a sea of people, gossiping and wondering what had happened, and I knew deep down that I would never work in that place ever again. And in a mix all of fear and joy. Then it all came crashing down, what was Jennifer going to say?

You see, I am a 26 year old male. Living in the north west of England, middle of Manchester, and I used to work in a place called the Factory floor, which was a small time café. It was enough to pay for my flat and my girlfriend's hobbies. Other then that, I do not do much else. How can I? Work pays for living and living is work. The same routine, and the same god damn outcome. So as I watched the only thing keeping me in a sense of sanity, I am left with the sense of clarity. I am so totally screwed. I waited until the fires were out, before I braved asking someone. And then my heart sank even more. The owner, a older gentleman who's wife died leaving him the land, had gone in. Teens had followed, stole what was in the registrar and started the fire. Which quickly got out of control, three dead and two injured. The old man was a survivor and had got through with burns.

Jennifer was everything I wanted in a woman, strong and beautiful, she didn't need me. But she wanted me. And that was what I had loved about her, but as time went on she started finding other things to want instead. Cars, dresses, jewels she'd never wear. And I lay at her feet to foot the bill. I do believe it was my own fault, but I loved her and you do anything for the ones you love. It wasn't until after I got back to my flat, and saw the boxes marked Jennifer's, that my gut told me this was wrong.  
  
“Jen?” I called out and opened one of the boxes, all her clothes.

“Damen! Why are you home?” the woman before me seemed flushed, tired and even..fed up.  
  
“There was an accident...there was a fire, what is this?” I asked so slowly, scared of the answer.  
  
“Damen...I was going to tell you tonight...when you got home.” She started, her cheeks pale and her eyes red. Had she been crying? “I want to break up.” She says it so easily, like it was nothing compared to ripping my heart out. I stop and looked at her, properly looked. This was a woman who made me miss my parent's wedding anniversary because she wanted to go London instead. This was a woman who wouldn't talk to me when I got her the wrong kind of make up. The woman who had demanded I buy her £300 shoes that she never wore. The woman whom I gave my all too...  
  
“...you want...” I start speaking and she stops me, her hands on my chest, as if it was the only way to pacify me. It probably was.  
  
“I love you, I really do.” And all I can think of is how she is completely lying through her teeth and she probably had someone on the side. “But I am not happy, and I won't be. Not with you. I am sorry, but it's over.” There was nothing stopping her, literally. Everything I had to offer wasn't enough and as I watched her eyes turn cold. I knew I couldn't stop this woman from leaving me and hell, I didn't have the energy to fight for something I know I'd lose anyway. Was that how my heart was compensating the pain that tore me apart inside?   
  
“But we...” I started anyway, looking from her to the other boxes and felt my heart break ever so much more. She spared no time packing her things. How long had we been together? All that was gone now. Dust in the wind, ironically like my job.

“I know, we planned our future...but I don't see you in it anymore.” She replied, kissed my cheek. The softest of actions to utterly destroy what was left of me.

“How? What the fuck did I do?” I snapped, and I was surprised to see she didn't even flinch.  
  
“Nothing.” Was her answer and didn't that just cut deep? “You always do what I say and I can't be with a man who won't fight for himself!” She glared, her sad look gone now. So she had expected me to take it? Accept my fate?

“Opposed to what?! Me fighting you on ever shitty thing? You have any idea what I have given up for you?” I asked, the pain and anger and emotions came tumbling out of me. “I can you know? I can tell you that the fortune you spend on make up does jack all for you. I can tell you that I prefer the blue dress to the black one you love. And I hate when you make me come shopping with you.” I pushed passed and stare at the boxes. It was too simple. Jennifer must have known she had ruined me for others. I could feel her eyes burning into my head, and as she took her boxes and left. No fight back. Had I hurt her? I shake my head of those thoughts as I was the one who was now left alone in our flat. The memories and times we spent together, fading even now. The pictures of her screamed at me, the pictures of us burned in my sight and I had no idea how to handle this. How does one handle break ups normally?

The flat I was going to lose probably, was this punishment? I was starting to feel numb, and I hoped somehow this day could not get worse. Unfortunately for my personal health, I was wrong.

You see, this all happened before noon and now I had to face the rest of the day and my life without Jennifer and I couldn't think on how I was going to do that. Who did I have to talk too? My parents lived in Scotland. I had no friends and who would even listen to me? Anyone I could go to, was else where and what was I going to say? I needed help? I rubbed my face and breathed deep. I was going to get drunk, that was all I had left really. Totally wasted. Maybe then I would feel something.

So I showered, dressed and went out. No plan. No rules. I had little money, but I believe I wasn't thinking of making it through the day, let alone the week. The next parts get a bit blurry, I am afraid, I remember shots and beers and self pity that soon turned to self hatred. I remember a girl with almost golden hair and such a worried frown. I remember staggering into my flat at god knows what time of night, breaking down on the bathroom floor. My life was numb and in tatters. Gone up in flames and I remember opening the medicine drawer. No one was going to check on me, were they? I opened everything I had and looked at myself in the mirror. What did I have left to live for? I glared at the image and punched it hard, cutting my knuckles and taking everything.

I remember pushing myself to the bed, writing something down on my side of the bed and collapsing into the covers.

 

 


	2. De ja vu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily's POV

There are many things that people believe happen after you die. Light at the end of the tunnel, some sort of afterlife, pearly white gates and all that. But it's much more dark, the energy that makes your personality doesn't simply stop or fade, it is simply taken and changed into something new. It could be a new star, or even a new soul. It's very beautiful to watch a hurt soul become a comet or even a shooting star. Sometimes though, a soul gets stuck in-between worlds and it is my job to help them. You see, my name is Lily and once upon a time I was a normal girl. I had a life and I loved it, but an accident took all that from me and I woke up in the world I had left behind.

No one could see me, nor could they hear me. It took me a while to figure it all out, but I did. Now I help those who get stuck in what I call loops or even help already passed spirits find their place. Loops are created by the universe, I still don't know how people are picked but it makes you repeat the day you die over and over until a different outcome happens. So it is basically where your fate is unknown and the world does not wish for you to die just yet. And I am telling you this, because before this story, I was very detached towards people. Jealous and sad that I could stop people dying but not save myself. And how one soul changed all that.

I was watching over two teenagers who had caused so much devastation, helping them become better pieces of the universe when I felt it. A loop was being made. It is like a hot and cold flush, the taste of butterscotch in my mouth and the world seems to double take. A feeling of excitement and dread filled my heart and I glanced around. Whoever it was, was close by. My eyes fell on a young man, messy brown hair and smoky grey eyes, he was tall and looked strong. He was watching the scene with such sad eyes, I frowned too, he looked healthy. Why would he need a loop? I finished what I was doing and walked towards this stranger. I needed to see what was happening to him, and know what he was going to do. Maybe he was in an accident like the old man? Something that could be avoided somehow, so he would see tomorrow.

I had found myself drawn to him in more ways then one, his skin was not so pale, and it seemed flawless. Did he have scars where I couldn't see? I watched him talk to a police, so he worked here. He knew the older man quite well. So he was worried about this, but it wasn't such a cry for help as I thought it was going to be. I followed intrigued, for what he had planned, what were his thoughts? Many think upon themselves and forget to check their surroundings. In their heads are whole worlds begging to be discovered and I love listening to stories. What I didn't expect however, was what awaited him at his home. I cringed as the girl he obviously loved leave him brutally, and as I watched him speak...I realised this wasn't an accident case or even a cause of human error. He was lost and this was the last straw snapping. How could I change this tomorrow? It was a fight he would have to do every day. A fight no one had yet won.

I trailed behind him, mind full of ideas on how I can get him to love life again, when I was not sure it was worth it. He was drinking excessively and I couldn't stop him, the feelings in my chest were jumbled as I watched this one soul utterly destroy itself. It wasn't until around 11 that he finally stopped, staggering homeward I think, he fell and grabbed hold of the wall. I knelt in front of him and frowned, as his eyes found mine. He was the loop. No doubt now, tomorrow (which would be today) he would see me.  
  
“Come on, I will get you home safely.” I said softly, he shrugged as I touched his arm. Warm and alive. I helped him walk, at least I tried too, he was quite heavy. Though, he would not know what was helping him. An invisible force that he would forget come sunrise. He was mumbling nonsense as we walked, had his life been hard? Why wasn't he with anyone else? Questions that would have answers in time. I stopped at the threshold of his flat and let him walk the rest on his own. He should not remember me, if this was going to work, and so I shut the door and leaned against it. The restart of a loop can sometimes be painful, so I braced myself. It wasn't as harsh as I thought as the day retracted it's steps. Like a really hot shower that scalded for a second but soon adjusted. I sighed as I walked back towards the start of it all. The fire.

The first few loops for him would be hard, he would feel lost and battle with the idea he was crazy. Maybe even get worse for a time, but then he would accept his fate and live each day again. And that would be when I arrive, to help him find his place, to live a life he wants and even spare the lives of the teenagers that died. Anything was possible. I glanced up at the building, the old man would ignore the call and go straight in. He would find the teens and shout at them, they would retaliate by beating him. Harsh and foolish as they steal what they want, light a fire that soon turns into a large fireball. They panic and two get stuck in it, the others get out and the man does too, all injured as the services arrive. Fire, Police and Ambulance, shouts and orders and then the crowd gathers. And then he arrives, turns the corner and freezes. Fear and shock on his features as he scans the scene. What would it be like to be the loop? I wonder and lean forward on the barrier. To relive the day over and over...

I glance at him, and his eyes meet mine, a flash of worry and I knew he didn't know what happened last night. What part, had he forgotten, I wonder? He comes towards me and I feel the frisson of excitement and fear as he reaches me. His eyes searching my face, what was he thinking?  
“Have we met?” His voice is smooth and it causes me to shiver slightly, I looked at him and smiled faintly. Yes, we have met, but you are feeling a bit on edge so I won't say that. I move my hair out of my face and tilt my head.

“I don't think so.” I smile sweetly, he nodded and rubbed his neck slowly. A sign of discomfort? “Are you okay?” I ask, my voice holding my worry. He seems surprised by my question, when was the last time someone asked him that?  
  
“I...” he looked back towards the fire, “...no.” he said truthfully and sighed. I wanted to reach out and make him smile. But I was already breaking a rule. I was to wait but I couldn't when his pain was bleeding through the cracks in his spirit. I touched his arm, so warm.

“Want to get a coffee?” I ask, with a small smile as he looks at my hand and then me. A shiver runs down my spine as he considers my offer.

“I could do coffee.” He said with a weak smile, it didn't reach his eyes, but I led him away. It seemed I was breaking all the rules today...

 


	3. Losing Peace of Mind

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damen's POV

I had planned not to wake up at all, so when I did. It was a surprise. I opened my eyes as sunlight streamed in, frowning, I glanced around and froze. Jen was sleeping soundly beside me, I grabbed my phone and looked at it, the date was the same! Had it all been a dream? I lean back and sigh, so today was real and I wasn't going to have that nightmare again. I leaned down and kissed Jen's head, hearing her sigh happily in her sleep, I got up and got ready. Determined to have a good day.

And I was, a smile on my face as I bought a breakfast wrap on my way, I felt relaxed and not so tense. Life was okay. But that smile, that feeling of peace, faded as I smelled smoke and heard shouting. I turned the corner and felt all that joy at it not being a bad day, completely fail. The fire. The fire that had tore through my life. Happening again? Fear gripped me, if that was coming true that meant Jen was at home packing. Our fight, my drinking, all that would come true? I glanced at the people, who were talking and watching and a flash of gold among the brown caught my eye. I breathed in, she was stunning. Her hair flowed freely over her shoulders, pale skin that seemed to be sprinkled with freckles. Her entire body was slim and smooth. I gulped faintly as my eyes caught hers, bright green looked back at me.

She was familiar, in the worst way, a name lost to that face. Her eyes had found me, looked at me so worriedly, had we met before? I found myself before her, too late to back down.  
“Have we met?” I could find myself wanting to know more. Jen had been the only one for me, but this stranger before me made me believe she didn't have to be. How was that possible if I didn't even know her? She replied with a no and I felt saddened by it, which was weird in itself. But then coffee, she was asking me for coffee? I wanted too. I wanted to do more with her and that made me worry, what if Jen found out? But then I remembered that my supposed girlfriend was going to break my heart when I returned home. I looked back at the emerald green eyes, she was smiling so softly and it eased the pain slightly. I looked back at the fire, I had no job....what else did I have to lose?  
“I could do coffee.” I said with a sad smile, what a weird day. Not at all like my dream, if it was a dream.

The walk to the coffee shop was longer then I thought, and in that time she asked me so many questions it was almost hard not to smile. She was smaller then me, a full head smaller, and she was so lively. A vivid book worm and artist. I tried to answer the best I could, but she was so different and I found myself forgetting what awaited for me.

“And that is what I think actually happened.” she smiled so happily, and it was contagious.

“You think that the queen and royal family are aliens? You are crazy...” I said with a small smile, she elbowed me and laughed. It was such a soft sound, if you hadn't been listening you would miss it. The more I watched her reactions and expressions, the more I found myself comparing her to her namesake. Lily. A flower that fights it's natural habitat to survive. Also used in funerals and apologies. Such a sad flower for such a happy girl.

“Not aliens, just not human.” She said with a bemused smile, how had a girl so full of life found me? I laughed in turn, she was unbelievable and I found myself not so sad. Which was nice. Not thinking on what was coming was nice.

“Oh, and what are you then?” I teased, I felt like I was opening up and it was new. Scary. But only good could become of this? Right?

“Alien. A hundred percent.” The girl laughed back, completely serious. Who was this woman? I shook my head lightly and opened the door for her. A warm smile as a thank you, and a blush. Was I the one behind that blush?

“And me?” I asked her, as I looked at the board, what to drink?  
  
“You? I'd say a fallen angel.” She said softly, her sad smile back as she looked at me. A fallen...? Was that because of how low I was? It would make bitter-sweet sense really, fallen from the heights of heaven. I laughed, because it was almost ridiculous.   
  
“Me? An angel? You got the wrong guy.” I said and ordered just a simple coffee. She ordered a pumpkin spice latte with extra foam. I raised an eyebrow at her, and she just giggled. A sound I could hear again and again.

“I think so.” She said and blushed again as I paid for our drinks, “You have that...feel about you. You want to help so many, but the fall really hurt you.” she said and touched my arm again, “but don't worry, I got you.” it was such a small collection of words and she seemed horrified for a moment. “I mean...” she blushed more and I found myself smiling honestly at her. “...for all I know you have a girlfriend and here I am...” she was babbling and it was cute. I put my hand on her head and walked around her.   
  
“Thank you.” I said softly as I waited for the drinks. I glanced as she held her chest, her cheeks so red and she had a silly smile on her face. When was the last time I had this kind of simple happiness? I couldn't recall and that was so....sad. Had I really forgotten what it was like to be happy? The reality bit me then, Jen, she was still there. Looming. I took the drinks and sat down in one of the booths. “So tell me about yourself.” it was just a curious way to talk more with her, it seemed I wanted nothing but to carry on talking to this girl.

“What would you like to know?” Was her reply and I found myself smiling at her, everything and anything? Would that make sense for someone you have just met? A sense of calm washed over me, like I didn't need to worry on the outside world as long as I was near this stranger. And she seemed so at ease too, was their a name for this? I couldn't place the feeling but it was nice, in it's own right.

“Well, why don't we start off with the basics, Lily?” I ask and took a sip of my coffee. It was strong and hot, it took the chill out of me at least.

“Oh, okay.” Lily replied and looked at her drink slowly, “I am 23 and I don't work, I am a student at the university and my parents pay for most of the things I need. I am very lucky in that respect.” she grinned and I wanted to laugh, she was not the kind to be rich, or at least I thought so.

“I am studying Art and Design, I don't have many friends so I spend most of my time drawing or painting. I love, love, love autumn!” Lily was so full of life, and I found myself leaning on my hand and just enjoying the sound of her voice.

“Autumn? Cold, rain, and leaves?” I ask, trying to shake the feeling of being watched.

“And Halloween.” She giggled, touching my hand lightly, “Can't go wrong with sweets and chocolate.” she said with a smile.

Small touches that sent my questioning with what I was doing out of the window, her skin was soft and I wanted to know if she felt like that all over. I was ashamed and dismayed at this, I wasn't single. I might be soon, but that didn't change the fact I wasn't in that moment. I looked at her, trying to read that emotion she got whenever I took too long to speak. It was a mix between sorrow and understanding, was she so full of life because somewhere in her past she hadn't been? Had something shaken her so badly that she fought everyday with a smile? I looked back to our hands, her fingers brushing mine so gently, it was almost as if she wasn't touching it at all.

“No, you can't. So what else do you like?” I asked, trying to distract this intimacy that was growing so quickly between us. How was it even possible to feel like you knew a stranger for so long? Like it had always been that way?

“Er, I like ice cream and walks in nature, anywhere open space really.” She said with a faint blush, so walking? I smiled more and leaned back slightly. This girl was so strange, how could a rich girl be so down to earth? “What about you?” she added and it stumped me. What did I like? Why was a simple question so hard to answer?

“I don't....well, I really don't know.” I said, frowning more, “I haven't had the time...” I look at her, and what I see makes my frown even more prominent. She seems surprised, and a little angry, at who I wonder?

  
“I work, allot. So I haven't really done much to find what I do or don't like.” I say and rub my neck slightly. “I would like to find out though.” I smile faintly, but it doesn't feel real. I am walking a thin rope and it feels like it could break any moment. Her eyes soften and she nods, then her eyes shift and I look to where she is. There, stood in the doorway, eyes angry and hands on her hips is Jennifer.

“So this is what your supposed 'job' is.” My girlfriend snaps at me, before slapping me hard. Funny, this wasn't in my nightmare.

“Jen, I..” I stand and she just hits my arm hard a few times. The anger is real but is it because she didn't get to hurt me this time?

“No wonder you don't have friends! Or a decent career!” she hisses at me, not relenting at all, “After everything I have done for you!” which can be counted on one hand, mind you. I don't attempt to speak, there is no point in baiting her more. “For you to cheat on me!” she glares at Lily.

“Jennifer, I am having coffee with a work friend. Why are you so sure I am cheating?” I ask, angry that she jumped to that conclusion. Jen seems taken back, like I just slapped her. I realise in that moment, it's not me she fears is cheating. "I mean, you saw my work right? Gone. There was a fire, so we decided to come for coffee before going our own way." The silence stretched between us, and the entire cafe.

“Are you cheating on me?” I ask her, pain bleeds through my body as she pales and I know she is. But being caught out in public makes her think twice about continuing this.

“It's OVER!” she screams and storms out. I find myself in a state of confusion and...devastation? I look back at Lily, who seems equally disbelieved. Was this why she moved out in my dream? She found someone better? I feel my already beaten and bruised heart bleed more.

“That...what?” Her voice seemed so confused as well, I look back towards the door. Everyone seems in an awkward silence, a few men give me such sad looks and the girls look at me with sympathy.

“I am sorry Lily, thanks for the drink.” I say and follow after Jen, I need to know if she even loved me in the first place. I am just in time to see her put her arms around another man and kiss him. I hold onto the lamp post, once again she rips my heart out without so much as a second thought.

As I lean there, I question everything, how could I miss that? She was so good at faking love that I never even guessed her true nature. I was living with someone who loved herself and nothing else, and I let her drain me completely, I let her ruin me and break me down and even now I was conflicted. I looked away and pushed off towards home. Our home that would welcome me with cold arms and though I knew it wasn't my fault, or was it? It was almost comical when the skies opened up and rain began to pour down, like a film. A sad scene with sad atmosphere. I was soaked by the time I opened the door, I glanced around the room. The light off and her things were all gone. She left me everything I had ever bought her too, salt in the wound. I stripped down, without turning the light on and climbed into the shower. The water was warm, but it still felt cold, was that because I was numb?

I don't know what time I got out of the shower, but it was dark outside and darker in the flat. I was so distracted I missed the bath mat and slipped. I hit the floor pretty hard, or at least I think I did as I am not sure what happened. I woke up in bed, with Jennifer beside me. My head banging as I glanced at the time. 7:21am. My blood froze in my veins as I saw the date. The 4th of October again? I gulped faintly and looked down at the sleeping form of Jen, my heart constricted at the sight of her. How was she going to rip my heart out this time? I rubbed my face and looked at the flat, it seemed so warmer now.

“Are you okay?” came a worried female voice, I glance back at Jennifer, who was now awake.

“Not really.” I reply and turned to her, half naked and her in that pink camisole she loves so much.

“What's the matter, babe?” she asks so sweetly that I almost feel sick. She pulls me into a half hug and it's almost enough to make me cave in one more time. I look at her, and brush her cheek, she smiles more.

“I am losing you, aren't I?” I ask her, and the shock is soon replaced with sorrow. So she does hurt like I do. She leans into my hand and sighs faintly.

“I don't know, Damen.” She replies and it cuts deeper. I kiss her head and move out of her arms.

“I won't be coming back tonight.” I say and run my hands through my hair, “So...If you...” I find it hard to breath, let alone speak. “If you are leaving...” I look at her, and she is watching me in a new light. Like she hasn't seen the real me for years. “Then go. I want you happy, Jen. And if you aren't here, then who am I to stop you?” I ask, my voice betraying me by catching near the end. Jennifer looks at me, truly looks and I feel a sense of looming dread as she gets up and comes to me. The kiss she gives me makes me want to cry and I haven't cried in so long...She puts her arms around me, holds me close and looks at me. Her head against my head, and it is nice. A moment of clarity and what I believe to be the last few moments of us.

“Damen, I love you.” she said and brushed her hand over my cheek, “I am not going to leave you. For anything.” she smiled so sweetly and for one painstakingly bitter moment I want to believe her.

I kiss her hand and sigh into it.

“I wish that were true.” I say and look back at her now worried frown, “I am not stupid Jen.” I mumble and open her hand in mine, “I know there is someone else.” I only know because of my stupid memories and the look of shock and for a moment horror, pass her eyes. She goes to make some apology, some words that would stop this but I kiss her for a moment and move out of her reach. “So, I won't be here tonight...and...I love you.” I say and go get dressed, leaving her stood alone.

I know something is wrong as I turn the corner to my work and see the fire once again. Am I stuck living the same day again and again? How does it work? I watch them put the old guy in the back of an ambulance and I wonder if I could wake up earlier and stop this. My eyes scan the crowd once more and Lily isn't there. I frown for a moment, if it was the same day over and over again, shouldn't she be there? Why was I even looking for her?

 


	4. Small Changes, Big Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily's POV

I sigh and put my back against the wall, he seemed so torn up when the other girl left. Had he been broken by it? I follow with my coffee and stand at the window as I watch. The girl is shameless in her affection to another, and I can see the breaking heart in Damen. He doesn't deserve this and there is nothing I can do today. I frown more as he walks away, no look backs or anything and I know this is going to be a long one. I follow after him because something might change even now. You see loops restart in one of two ways, you either go to sleep and wake up the same day or you die and wake up in the same day. I remember feeling the loop restart, and maybe he just went to bed, I hope he did. Was she the key to this? That harmful woman that seemed to have her claws dug pretty deep? I felt a familiar pain in my gut and it was not a feeling I wanted. Was I slightly more involved then I should with this human? Was his happiness that important to me?

I shook my head and look up at the flat above me, the lights remain off for a few moments and then he leaves, looking so tired. I hold my breath as he walks right by me. I feel so wrong following him like I do, to see his life broken over and over again. I stop when he does and I catch the view over the crowd and the frown that matches it. Is he looking for me? I take a deep breath, fix my clothes and step out into the light. I walk to him and pretend I am looking at the fire.

“What's happening?” I ask and he jumps slightly, looking at me bewildered. Recognition soon clouds over all emotions there and he offers a polite smile.

“Just my job going up in smoke.” He replies and it takes me a moment to figure it out, so not only did his girl break his heart but he also lost any stability in the job front. I look at him with a slight frown, How could one day be so horrible in it's ability to destroy someone?

“Oh no, is there nothing you can do in the mean time?” I ask, worried for him, worried that this job will never finish and maybe that thought makes me happy? No, he deserved to live. Even if she couldn't.

“Unless you can give me another job, no.” He shrugs, like it's just fate and I know I can bend reality to give him a job he wants. It would take my own energy to do so, but for his happiness I was willing. And that was a strange sensation, I look back at the fire and breath slowly. I shake my head and look back at him.

“I can, depending on what you are good at and what kind of job you want.” I smile, soft and kind, I feel I would do anything for him and that's dangerous. So dangerous, for both of us.

“I am a qualified engineer, I worked maintenance at the cafe that is currently in flames.” he said with a confused smile, and it takes all my power not to smile in return. 

“Then come with me.” I muse and offer my hand to him, he takes a good five minutes looking between me, my hand and the fire before he agrees and takes my hand. It is warm and soft, but I can feel the shiver down my spine as I lead him towards the main hub of all engineering, it's the centre of trade and work for anyone in this path or similar careers. I knew this because I had helped many in this building, the stark white walls with glass everywhere. Construction was a dangerous profession after all. I lead him in without a second thought.

“Miss Lily, I didn't know you were coming.” the secretary stands surprised and looks at my hands for a moment. “Shall I get Mr Thorn?” she asks and I can feel him stiffen, so he knows who we are to here to see. Interesting. 

“Yes please.” I say with a sweet smile. There was probably allot of questions running through his head. He remained silent though, so I motioned towards the elevator. "Let's go." I add with a little laugh.

“He is waiting for you.” the woman says and sits back down. You see, you never forget your loop and during the time I am in one, one's who have been in one can see me. It's when time resumes normally that I fade which is always hard to let go. I glance at Damen, who is pale and looks so nervous. What will he do when he no longer see's me? Would he miss me? 

“Don't worry.” I smile and he blushes faintly, he really hasn't seen kind touches in a while...has he? Why is that so hard to think on? We leave the lift and walk into the pale cream offices, the man behind the first desk waves at us and motions us in the black door. Once inside I smile brightly as an young man stands, a grin on his face. I let go of Damen as I head towards the man. Leaving my new job standing awkwardly in the middle of the office.

“While I live and breath, Lily.” he gives me a hug and I return it, he glances at Damen and gives me a look that I know so well. He is confused, afraid and worried. Emotions that could very well cause him to lose himself. 

“It is good to see you again, Jacob. How is the wife?” I giggle and he shrugs, like I probably already know.

“Pregnant, moody and lovely as always. What do I owe this pleasure?” He asks and looks back at Damen, he must know what I am doing and it's just to keep this facade up. After all, figuring out that the universe is trying to save you isn't alwys easy to digest.

“Damen is an engineer who just lost his job, and I said I can help him get a new one and you were the first person I thought of.” I muse and see warmth bloom in Damen's eyes.

“Helping the innocent again, my dear?” Jacob asks and turns his attention to Damen. “Okay, I need someone to help keep the cars, boats and helicopter up to par and running, are you up for that particular challenge?” he asks, a smirk that says he already knows the answer. They would probably work out all the qualifications and such at a later date, considering I was there as a guarantor.

“What kind, sir?” Damen asks, his voice brave but I still hear the sadness beneath it. The glimmer that maybe he was still dreaming and that this would all fade tomorrow, or today, or whichever you chose to call the day ahead.

“I have two helicopters, around five cars and a boat.” Jacob muses, “And you will help keep them all in order, you will answer to my head mechanic Adam.” he said and folded his arms, so business like I nearly laugh, "You will start monday, after we go through your skill set and Adam gets to see what your capable off. Your pay will reflect that." he mused faintly.

“Yes sir, thank you.” Damen says slowly, “Do I need to sign...?” he asks and Jacob nods before heading to his desk and paging his assistant. I watch the two men talk shop. Damen slowly coming out of the cold shell that had sapped his energy, and seemingly making a new friend. I smile slowly and put my hands behind my back as Damen reads his new contract. I can place this in the loop so tomorrow it will still be signed and he will still have a job. Though it will probably drain me a bit too much to include so many more people. 

I smile as he pales at what he will get paid, maybe he could even start to live a little and I smile brightly as Jacob looks at me.   
“You read it, properly, I just need to talk to Lily.” He said and patted Damen's back before coming to me. Leaving the man to read the conditions of the contract.

“Is he a loop?” Jacob asks slowly, his eyes sad now as I smile sadly. I could never get passed this workoholic it seemed, and my lack of words must have clued him in.

“You figured that out?” I ask, looking back at Damen who had captured my attention so completely. “How have you been since yours?” I add and look back at him, he gives me a soft smile and pulls me into a half hug.

“You helped me find my wife, my life and move past my anger. I am better but he's lucky, we all miss you.” Jacob says and lets go before stretching, “I take it you will make sure I remember this tomorrow?” he adds with a teasing smirk and I laugh a little. Jacob's loop included pushing a drunken stranger into hurting him badly, of getting trapped in an accident and even losing his wife a dozen times. I had not done much in that one, simply let him vent and showed him a way to release the anger without hurting anyone. It had been beneficial for everyone involved I suppose.

“Yes, I will.” I add while watching Damen sign it and look up at me, his eyes held a spark and I knew, somehow, that Jennifer wasn't the key. Getting him to live on his own was. I could do that. I could so do that.

We left the building and he was talking so animatedly about his love for mechanics and I found myself smiling so warmly. I use that as a focus to place the hold on the loop. Each day that signed contract would end up on Jacob's desk with a note from me. We were both so invested in the conversation that we didn't see the car turn and come straight towards us. I was pushed back and I looked up just in time to see a flash. I flinched as fire burned my skin being so close to the restart and I breathed out as I saw the flashes of colour stream passed me as the day restarted once more. I sit there for a moment, in shock, my throat dry and burning and my eyes felt like they were stinging. Did I just watch him die saving me? I held the sob back, he would never know I was already dead...

I looked around for some sort of sense on what just happened. But I can't because the reset has already fixed the street and the lives lost. I stand and flinch as I look at my grazed elbow, I had been too close to the loop and I had kept my injuries. I walk to my home, a gap in time that is mine and mine alone. Full of silly objects I hold slightly sentimental and I look for the first aid box. I have about an hour before he arrives at his job and I need to be there. I change and wrap my elbow up before setting off. I wonder as I walk if he will remember everything and did he feel protective of me like I did him? I stand at the edge of the crowd, my hand on my elbow, as I watched the fire fighters do their work.

 


	5. Old feelings, New people

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damen's POV

I had a good day and yet ended so fast. I lay in the bed trying to figure out what happened. Lily's face burned into my head as I stared at the ceiling. She had panicked and gone to stop him. Or had she? I glance at the sleeping form of Jen and slowly get up without waking her. I write her a note, saying I wanted to break up and left without saying anything. I know it was a suckish way to do so but I didn't have time to think on that now, I needed to see her, to make sure she was okay. She wouldn't remember what she did for me, but I needed to make sure. Silly fears in my head but they were powerful now.

I turn the corner to my work and I breath out, there she is watching the scene. I stop though as I notice the bandage and the different dress. I frown slightly, she hadn't been injured the other day had she? Or had she always had that bandage?

“You know what's going on?” I ask her, wanting to hear her voice just one more time, her eyes glanced up at me and I felt my heart sigh. Her smile was mixed, happy and sad, and I wanted to know why.

“Some teenagers started a fire.” Lily said and looked back at the scene. “It's so sad.” she added and turned to me, I wanted to reach out to her. Make sure she was real.

“Want to get away from here?” I ask, itching to do something with her. So far I had done two different days with her, coffee and a new job, which I no longer had?

“Sure...” she blushed and moved a strand of her hair, “Where to? I am Lily.” she said and smiled so lightly at me.   
  
“Damen.” I smile back, a small change and I already felt lighter, what was this woman doing to me? “I know a great place for food.” I say with a bright smile, and she giggles and it makes everything okay again. I find in that moment that this small human, who looks far too beautiful with a smile on her face to be real, is far more precious to me. She is the one consistent thing that has brought me a sense of normality and even happiness. I offer my arm and she laughs as she takes it,

“Is this a date?” she asks, a blush on her cheeks, “Because I do believe that was the quickest way to pick a girl up ever.” she teases and I smile more, is this a date? I haven't been on a date I planned since before Jen moved in and I have forgotten what that feeling is like. I already know her slightly, but she doesn't know me at all. I am just some confident man that has asked her out. Aren't I?

“I believe it is...” I say, suddenly very nervous over what I had planned. “I haven't been on one for a long time...” I add with a small chuckle, though her smile made me not panic as much. This girl had a power that I didn't know of and as we walked, everything that had happened. The fire, Jen, the hollowness of being alone, it all faded. Like she stopped the voices in my head and as long as I was near her, I was safe. But to know her and feel this bond, without her knowing me. It was going to be hard to not let myself get carried away. I opened a door to a little restaurant and followed her in. She seemed so...amazed at this, even if it was just food with a stranger.

“So what do we do?” she asks, walking ahead of me, I now notice her slight limp. Is she hurt? Why wasn't this more obvious yesterday? I pull her chair out for her and she gives me a weak smile. A frisson of fear runs through me. She doesn't seem as bright today or even the strong woman I met by accident twice. She seems tired and...defeated?

“We talk.” I smile, reassuringly, as I sit opposite. “About us, about anything.” I add, and I notice the slight frown that passes across her lips.

“Okay, I can do that.” She says slowly, like she is talking to herself mostly and I am just a bystander. “Anything in particular?” she adds with a soft smile.

Something that speaks volumes to me, what started off as a sweet reunion and hopeful talk has fallen into a feeling of secrets and what looks like a battle I am no longer apart of. I want to reach out and tell her that it's okay, but how can I when my life is not making sense any much more then any problems she has. I look at her through the menu and she is watching me with a feeling I can only describe as sentimental sadness.

“What would you like to eat?” I joke, and she gives me a better smile, but it only fades with time.

“I will have the lasgana.” she smiled and leaned on her good hand, the other seemed to be leaning on the table. I scan my eyes over the bandage and the bruises I see that are still forming. Like that had happened only recently.

“What happened to you?” I ask slowly, and I look back at her eyes and the pain there is almost enough to make me stand. She was obviously in pain, but for something I didn't know of. And for some reason she started playing with something that glimmered around her hurt wrist. Avoiding the topic? She was obviously distracted. I wonder who gave her it, because as I recall each meeting it is the one thing that has stayed the same. Does she have a boyfriend that hurts her? I frown as the ideas get worse and worse, what if she already has a boyfriend and she is regretting saying yes?

“Allot of things.” Lily finally speaks, but she won't meet my eyes, she is trying to think of a way to speak and I brace myself. This is it, I have put myself out there and she is taken.

“I am not sure what happened...” she said and looks at me finally, "One moment I was walking and the next I had been thrown down, I think." she seemed confused and I felt pity, maybe being hurt doesn't reverse? Was I the only one safe from harm? Lost in thought, I don't see her take off the flimsy piece of metal around her wrist. She opens my hand, and I am powerless to stop her. She places the tiny piece of jewellery in my hand and closes my fingers over it. “Promise me something.” she says slowly, not giving anything away, her face is unreadable and I wonder how long it took her to prefect this kind of look. What does she know that I don't? How could a date change so dramatically?

“There are so many things I want to tell you, so many little things.” she says and looks at me, almost too desperate. And it feels like she is leaving. “But I can't, and it hurts me not too.” she adds and somehow she has changed from happiness and new things to rejection and fear. What is she afraid of...?  
“Lily, if-” she puts her fingers on my lips and I frown more, 

“There hasn't been anyone I have been more drawn too. Then you...” she said softly, like it's wrong for her to feel this way and the happiness I felt dies too quickly for my liking. “But we can never be together, stuck in this loop.” she looks at our hands, the bracelet burning now in my palm. I don't know what to say anymore, I am being pulled in two different ways. And she knows it. Loop? Then the days before, she can recall them. She knew me. 

“Promise me that whenever you think about giving up or giving in to dark feelings. You will look at this piece of stupid metal and remember me, and that friends are always there, the ones you haven't met yet and the ones that haven't arrived. You are never truly alone.” the words she says make me smile sadly and I tighten my hands around the coolness of silver that she has given me. Something to keep hold of, never letting go. The warmth of her hand on mine as I take her in now. How can she know this? Jen doesn't even know of my feelings or the fact two days ago I had these similar thoughts.

“I can't watch you die again.” she finishes finally and I freeze for the third time today. My blood goes cold in my veins and it hits me like a tonne of bricks. She has seen me die?

My eyes snap up to her, and she looks like she is about to cry, so yesterday when I pushed her out the way...The car...She remembers me from the other days? How had I...? So many things run through my head and the one thing that makes me worry more is not being able to keep this promise she asks of me. To keep living, even when the world beats me down.

“Lily...” I finally speak, my voice isn't as strong as I had hoped, “...what do you mean?” I ask and she doesn't let go of my hand. This simple action from her brings balance to my war torn soul and it makes me worry all the more. How could such a soft touch effect me so much? I want to close the distance between us but I don't. I am stuck looking at our hands. She squeezes my hand and I look up at her again. She is waiting for me to promise, before she says anything else. And she is stubborn, I can feel it as I look between her eyes and her hand.

“I promise...” I say, I have to promise someone that I won't and if I can't promise myself, then she can be the catalyst of this whole thing. I see her sigh with relief and I put my hand on hers,  
“Now explain, please?” I ask, hoping to get some answers. “I can't have died, if I am here, can I?” I say, not believing the words I said because it didn't make sense and the more I let it cloud my thoughts, the more I knew that whatever this was that kept me living this day was also keeping me alive.

Lily let go of my hands and I looked down at the chain, it was plain except for a rose charm and I found it utterly beautiful. I don't even know why because I knew it meant nothing to others. But to me, it was almost like a lifeline. I close my hands and move back slightly, I try as hard as I can to focus on us, not on the past, but it doesn't really fade. Does it?

“All I know is that I remember meeting you, I took you to see an old friend and we were going for a drink when...when a car...” she stops and I know full well what happened. I had seen it, heard the breaks screech and saw the flash of silver. I remember seeing where it would go and I remember seeing Lily walk right into that line. I didn't even think, nor did I even stop myself, I just pushed her down and stood in her place. Then I woke up.

But as I watch her speak, I find myself wondering how that must feel, I had been broken anyway. But to be sane, to meet a guy and then watch him die before waking up the next day to find him alive? Had she cried for me? I find myself thinking of all other people in my life, the ones I no longer talk to or see. I glance back at her,

“Your arm?” I ask slowly, suddenly so very tired.   
  
“I woke up with it.” Lily says, I don't know if she's honest or not but whatever runs my thoughts wants to believe her. Why would she lie? She was shaken and that much was obvious. But there was always that small chance she was, I needed to get to know her more and the only way I was going to do that was to keep it up. To make the effort. Wasn't that just exhilarating? To have the chance to fight for a life I didn't really know, it was so much easier to help others with their problems than face my own.

“I am sorry.” I reply, without thinking too much on it, “At least we have today.” I smile slowly, and watch as she smiles back. Such a sad smile.

“We will always have today.” Lily replies and I feel so happy with those words, no matter how many today's I have to live through, as long as she is by my side. I tie the bracelet into my keys, so it is always there when I use them. One of the only ways I can make sure I see it often enough.

The rest of the meal became happy, we put yesterday behind us and focused on today. I say we because that is what it felt like, it wasn't just me anymore, I didn't fear tomorrow because I knew she would find me or I would find her. And we would face whatever happened together. Maybe it was silly, to hope like that, but I hadn't had hope in so long. I wanted to believe and so I gave it my all. It might have not been much, but it was something at least.

After food, I walked with her towards her home. It was almost...romantic, as I stood on her doorstep. She smiles so sweetly as she leans over and kisses my cheek. The heat of her lips and the smell of roses hits me and I can't help but smile.  
  
“See you tomorrow? Same place?” I joke and brush my hand through my hair and stepped back as she nodded, waved and disappeared through the door. I breathed out and walked down the steps, this had been almost normal. I glance at my phone, no calls or messages off Jen. I wonder if she got my note at all as I head back. I unlock the door and look inside the darkness of my home. Her stuff is gone and I feel almost...sad. I notice a note on the kitchen saying nothing but sorry. Maybe she will forgive me one day? I don't bother turning the lights on as I crawl into bed and almost fall instantly to sleep. And I think, in those small moments between sleep and being awake, that I might actually have a good nights sleep.

 


	6. The Fall

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily's POV

It had been normal. That was what was wrong, it had been like for a moment I had been a normal girl in the world. As I sat down in my flat, I looked around at all the pieces I had collected. He gave me a memory of normality and I knew this meant bad things. Death doesn't get normal, nor should it expect it. I wasn't part of the world, at least not what I wanted to be apart of, and now? Now I wished so hard to be. That I could help him by being there every day for the rest of his natural life. I pulled my legs up and rested my chin on my knees. My fate remained unchanged, I would help those who needed it, but never help myself. Eternal damnation didn't come into it, I was happy helping those I could, but now? To look through the window and see what I could have been apart of? I do not know what was worse.

The next refresh was almost as gentle as his touch, like a breath had gone down my neck and I shivered faintly. What would I do today and what would he ask of me? Part of me wondered how long it would be until I faded from his days and became apart of my true world. I put my head against the chair and sighed again, feelings were never supposed to be apart of it, yet here I was feeling the weight on my chest and my head feeling so clouded.

I glance up at the window, I should really sleep soon. But part of me knows he will come looking for me. The light burns its way through the curtains and I sigh slowly and don't move from my spot. It is almost too easy to ignore the world outside, like it is all a fantasy, even when I hear the knocking. He is here. I wonder how long he waited before coming here. I debate if I should let him in or not. I stand and change, a summer dress and small heels. I tie my hair into a bun and apply a little make up before I face the day properly. I open the door and look at him with a sweet smile. Years of practice, I could so easily beat anyone at poker now, and I still had years more to hone it.

“Hey.” Damen is so cheerful, it makes me wonder why we are yet doing the same day, maybe there is another thing to fix? I smile warmly and take my denim coat, bag and phone off the stand as I shut the door behind me.

“Hello.” I muse and slip my coat on as I walk down the steps slowly. He seems so happy to see me and it is almost warming to me.

“I thought we could do something...more active today.” He says, has he figured out that his money is refreshed too? And I look at him slowly, what had he planned?

“Sure, what did you have in mind?” I ask with a little giggle, though something felt like it was stabbing me slowly each time I lied to him. Did he know the truth yet? Or had he blindly accepted this situation. He takes my hand and kisses it lightly, causing me to blush shamefully.

“We can either go to mini golf or even roller blading?” he asks, giddy with the possibilities of life, and I can't help but be amused by it.

“Mini golf, I am wearing a skirt today.” I tease and let him pull me to where ever his heart wishes to be. I am powerless against his smile, his entire being and it scares me.

It might have been easier, to stop there, to push him towards other people. And I knew I should have, even as I agreed to each day. But the smiles he held for me, the soft laugh he showed me, even the way his eyes crinkled slightly when he couldn't stop laughing had made me push the truth further and further away. It didn't matter as long as he was smiling, with each and every time he saw me, he seemed to be even happier. What was I supposed to do? I looked at him, slowly and carefully, as he was so engrossed in getting that little ball through the windmill.

He was young at heart, that much I knew, he let the fun wash over him so readily. I watched him, each movement of his body and each word that passed his lips. Someone who had been so lost, so kind and caring, I still doubted that he was real. What man knew how to be sexy, kind and this carefree when the troubles of yesterday were no longer there? It felt, that much was surprising. I glanced as he swung and narrowly missed the small opening, smiling sweetly as he glared at the tiny plastic ball. I so wanted to stop him, to let him know how much I enjoyed this, and how sad I would be to see it end. But I held my tongue. And that, was not my first mistake...

You see, I had years to figure out that being attached meant only pain. Tripping and falling, making small mistakes only once, it didn't take long for me to know that I had to only push a little to get them on the path by themselves. So why was Damen so different? I smiled more as he jumped for joy, getting it in the next shot. So excited over a small victory. Somehow he had tricked me into opening up and by the grace of fate, I had allowed him too. I rubbed my wrist, the bracelet my mother gave me hanging from his keys now. I had given it so willingly, I wondered if it was just the bracelet I gave him so willingly.

This...dating thing, was interesting to say the least. I had grown up in a time of courting, of trading a female of wealth for equal wealth. Now, woman had a choice, not much of one but a choice all the same. I breathed out and shook my head, memories I had buried long ago. Before my fall into this...life? If one could call this life. I tried to focus on it, on this time he had given me, but I couldn't help but remember my family. My hope for a wedding that I never got and for the time I lost because of my mistake.

You see, who I was before time changed everything was almost simple. I had been a daughter to a lord, his only legitimate child, and I had been promised to another lord. It was a good life, not so happy as one with Damen could be, but I had been so overjoyed that a man wanted me. I didn't ask who it was or when it would happen. It was my duty to my family to fulfil whatever my father wished. I could remember my death almost perfectly. And wasn't that just sad?

It had been a day like today. Warm, cloudy and calm. Nothing off, nothing to make me worry for my safety. And nothing to proclaim that it was the end of my fairytale. I had been walking in the gardens of my betrothed, waiting to meet him, when it happened. A hand, a pull and I had no power to fight back. Someone had wanted to get back at my father and the man I was to marry, so they had decided to take me. With me dead, the man would never marry and my father would be broken. I can say it was painless, like going to sleep. But I had woke up in the same place, with a girl over me looking so shaken. She had been smaller then me and told me how there were many of 'us'. Ladies of Death, that was what she called us. Woman who died before their time, who were taken from their fate.

It had been a shock to my system, to recall dying and to now be apart of both worlds in the way I was. I had watched my father tear himself apart with grief and my mother slowly put him back together. My betrothed, however, had no one to piece him back. With the word around that I died waiting for him, no woman would go near him and he died very much alone. A fate I tried to fix countless times, but I had no way of knowing how my powers worked in this world or the next. And then I watched the world pass without me, dresses changed and so did the jobs. I didn't get my first loop until after World war one? A courier who crossed no man's land. I had helped him through the nightmares and the trauma, became his friend and helped him fit in with the world once again.

Now? Now, I was apart of the modern world, watching a man who could have been such a gentleman and lord, play mini golf like his life depended on it. And for all I knew, it did. Was I the one suffering now? Had I taken his pain and added into what I held so close? It sure seemed so. I took my turn and tried to ignore the burning in my heart and the tingling of his eyes on me. I found myself smiling and it was almost too much to bare alone. He was going to be the last thing I ever cared for....wasn't he?

The days that followed progressed in a similar fashion, I would remain unmoved until he came for me and he seemed brighter and more alive with each day. The things he came up with, the activities he made me endure had me warming up to him more and more. So much so I began lowering my guard, pieces of me that I had tried to bury came back and I found myself never wanting it to end. It wasn't until a week or so later, when we were sat on his couch, watching Frozen, that I found how badly I needed to let him go. We had cuddled, without even realising it.

His soft breathing, and my attention already wavering, I had a moment to think on it. On us. I had never spent the night with him, and he always wondered why. We hadn't even kissed but I knew he wanted too. The way he would look at me, a blush on his face before he turned away, and the way he would then awkwardly squeeze me. It would be too easy. And it'd hurt so much to leave him. I glance up at him, taking in each perfect flaw and burning it into my memory.

“Damen?” I ask, smiling softly as his eyes flickered from the tv to me,

“Mmm?” He actually seemed invested in this film, and I giggled, because he isn't a girly guy or even seemed to be a Disney fan, but somehow he is.

“These, days? You spend with me...” I start and see his attention become alert at to what I was saying, and he looked back down at me. “...why?” I ask, bemused. He looked confused for a moment, as if weighing what I was asking in his head, was he worried about my reaction?

“Because I can?” He asked back, and I laugh again, he really was avoiding it.

“That isn't an answer, my dear.” I tease and look back at the screen as I feel his hand spread out on my side.

“Nope, but it's something.” Damen replies so happily, “Anyway, I think it's because I like being near you. I feel...comfy, content.” he mused and relaxed. “I guess, I do it because I want too.”

And I know, gods above me, I know it's nearly over. Our time. So soft and so gentle, warm and kind and nearly gone. A life time could be lived in the same day but as I glance back at him, I won't force him to that.

“I think.” I say, knowing that this is going to break my heart so splendidly, and sit up slowly. Stretching. “We should make a big deal out of tomorrow.” I say with a smile. “Get dressed up and go on a proper date. And then maybe...” I look at him warmly, as his is watching me, “...get a hotel room?” I giggle as his cheeks blush bright red. I liked teasing him so.

“Yes...I would like that...” He said and leaned forward, suddenly empowered by courage, as he kissed my lips. There weren't many things that I liked daily, but as I let the kiss go on, I found myself wanting it to never stop. Sweet and warm and I wanted more. I broke it for air, a blush mirroring his.

“Goodnight, Damen.” I said softly and give him a quick kiss before grabbing my bag. He stands with me and smiles, following me out. Tomorrow.....Tomorrow was going to be our last day.

 


	7. Lady of Sorrows

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Damen's POV

Today was the day. I look at the ceiling and smile to myself. Glancing at the alarm clock, I had woken up an hour earlier, how odd. I reached over and took my phone, messaging my boss that I wouldn't make it today and I knew this was going to delay him enough that the kids got away with little money and no fire happened. Sparing two lives at least, it had happened once before.

I look at Jennifer, and I sighed. This was not something I enjoyed but it needed to be done. The usual fight, the usual words and she was gone. Anger was a good motivator and even better at making sure she didn't feel bad for me. The less she felt for me, the easier it would be to let go of the years we were together. All that we did, the stage work and planning that seemed to fade and burn so quickly. I shake my head as Jen takes her suitcase and leaves, saying she will come for the rest of it later. Leaving the keys on the side as proof she wasn't coming back.

I then focus on my next task, to plan my day, or at least what I am looking forward too. A fancy dinner maybe? I am careful while I take a shower, thinking of everything she might want to do instead and I can't think of anything. So dinner it will be. Smart clothes and a deep breath to not dwell on the feeling of butterflies. I am nervous and excited and all other things that I haven't been in so long. What should be dehabilitating is now expected. I have stopped what pain Jen caused me, and I have admitted to myself that what I was holding onto wasn't love or tender feelings. But a fear of being alone and more importantly, a fear of the unknown.

Now, I am almost ready for the unknown. The thrill of nothing being set in stone yet. It was almost too easy to get lost in the moment of happiness and find her. Lily. She had become a expected part of my life and it was going to bite me one day. I smile as I wait on her doorstep, she said something about being dressed up and even as I stand here, I know I made the right choice in a tieless suit and when she answers in a simple black dress, I am taken aback by the simplicity of it all.

I take her to one of the more fancier places in the city, and I wonder if she would come here again with me. When money wasn't an issue. It wasn't until the first course arrived that I noticed her sad look whenever she believed I wasn't looking at her, was there something bothering her? I passed it off as nerves, but if I had known. Just a little. Maybe I would have waited and not ordered the wine. As it stood, I did, and we were both well under way with it. Her cheeks became rosy and her smile more pronounced, I was braver and even let her order the dessert for both of us. Giving her full control.

I am not sure how we ended up kissing, or how we ended up at a hotel near my house, or even how we managed to get into the room without incident. The alcohol heavy on our minds as we deepened our kisses. She was almost too open with her affections and that should have warned me, that this was more then just the next step. That my heart wouldn't make it through the night with me and each kiss, each touch would be the last for a very long time. Too long to remember anyway.

 

 


	8. Goodbye

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lily's POV

I had never given myself so openly as I did that night. As I watched him sleep, feeling the loop break beneath my gentle touches, his dreams soft and warm. I knew what I had done was the right thing. Hadn't I? Somehow, it had to be.

“Goodbye, my love.” I whisper as I kiss his head slowly. My heart bleeding into a thousand pieces, almost as it did when I watched my family be torn apart. Was that who he was to me? My family? It made sense to me, that he was. The first person in a long time that had made me realise that life wasn't just an open and shut book. Damen had given me so much and I had given him everything in return. The feeling of being lost came flooding back, burning the edges of my mind. This was going to be the end for me, I was certain.

I hoped he would be okay, because it would be the same feeling of watching through glass and not being able to stop it. And I do not know if I could survive that again. I could barely survive not being able to  _be_ with him or see him smile at me in that way. Of all the days we spent together.

I sighed as the warm feeling of love faded and I was left sat on a neatly folded bed, watching him sleep so soundly. He would wake to nothing, no evidence that what we had was real or how bad everything could be. I felt the sun before I saw it, and I saw his face move as sleep lessened it's grip on him. Then his eyes opened and I watched his reaction slowly. Of sleepy happiness, to confused glances and then to worry. I went to reach out and he moved away, and it was then it hit me. Full force.

I fell apart, knowing he would never know or see me like that, never know my touch again. I sobbed and curled up as he left. Leaving me behind. I hadn't saved him, he had saved me. And now I let myself break and I knew this was my loop as well as his. A piece of truth that I couldn't stay disconnected if I wanted to help people and the fact that only those truly broken can actually help others facing the similar fate. When the sobs stopped and eased off into a horrible silence, I dressed quickly and went after him. I saw him talk to confidently with that girl from my home. Damen was angry, or was he worried? The way his brow furrowed as the girl explained she did not know who I was or where to find me. 

“I love you...” I breathed to Damen, though he could not hear, “...I always will.” I looked between the two very much alive people, one who held my very heart in his grasp and the woman who would no doubt win him over eventually. I reached out and brushed my hand just over his cheek. Instead of him feeling it and leaning into my hand, I saw my fingers fade into him like a ghost stuck between frames. He wouldn't feel that either and I held back my sob. How could I even hope to help the people if I left my heart with him? It was going to be hard, to keep walking up without him there smiling at me so openly, and it was going to be hell to walk alone once more. I retracted my hand as I felt my heart ache more then it had done in over a millennia.

“Go win her heart, my Damen. I will be here.” I sigh and watch them go for coffee. What was worse? Leaving, or being left behind? As I stood there, I believed both to be the same. Because having no choice in the matter made it all the worse and I needed to admit to myself that this, this was only the start of the rest of his life. Not the end of mine. 

 

\--- Damen's POV ---

When I first opened my eyes, I was not aware that I wasn't in my bed. The second time I open my eyes, I did. Slowly, trying to figure out where I am, I noted dulled lights and numbed noises. This was the hotel, where Lily had been sleeping beside me. I smile though, because I am no longer in my flat like all those other days. The bedsheets smell like fresh linen and I glance around. Which meant the loop was over. Finally.

“Lil-” I stop, the bed is cold and she is no where to be seen. I sit up, it doesn't even look like it's been slept in. But I know it has, she fell asleep before me. Curled up together in what I could only call a epiphany.

“Lily?” I ask and glance around, nothing, the door is still locked, bolted too. I frown more and get out of bed, had it all been a dream? Had she...  
I open the bathroom door just to be sure and lean against the door frame. There is no sign of her anywhere, like everything wasn't real and somehow my memories are lies. I look back towards the bed and I feel a sense of loss I haven't felt in so long. Lily had been reluctant to be with me, this much I was sure, and now I knew why. She hadn't wanted to go, she had wanted me to stay with her instead....hadn't she? To stay in that same day, over and over, and be happy with her.

I walk back to the bed and sit down, what else can I do? I glance at my phone, which is flashing, and I wonder who has messaged me. It takes me a moment to pick it up to check, mainly because I fear I won't want to know. But it is from Lily's friend, Jacob, about when I start my new job and I frown. Hadn't that been so long ago? And a message from Jennifer about still being friends somewhat, and a few others who I can barely recall. A system of friends. Ones that I had met, briefly, whilst with _her_. Her name stings now and I am surprised by how well I am taking her disappearance.

No messages, no note, no explanation. I had known her, or at least I tried to know her as best as she could have let me. I rub my face and let the feelings wash over me. I had pent it up last time, let it bubble and boil and nearly ruin me. Now, thanks to what my lady gave me, I could allow myself to feel each painful stab of loss. She should have said something, if she had to leave. I glance back at the door, which still have the bolt and chain on, and that is what I find weird.

It is those moments that I realise, that maybe things are different now, I had met her through repetition and somehow she had fixed what was broken in me. I jump up, getting dressed and head out the door. I don't know what drives me anymore, but I run so hard. I need to see her. I slow to a stop and look up at the building she lived in. I watch as a woman walks out, in her own world and I try to catch my breath. The woman sees me, blinks and tilts her head at me.

“Are you alright?” Her voice is nothing like Lily's but it reminds me of her caring attitude and I nod. Trying to remember that I have a voice,   
“Is there a girl who lives here? Blonde hair?” I ask, trying not too look so...broken. She seems to notice it anyway and frowns slightly.

“No...I am sorry...” she stops and takes me in, maybe Lily used this as a distraction? Maybe she wanted me here, to see this girl, and in that moment I know that I will never stop loving the strange girl who stayed with me. But maybe, just maybe, I can offer someone else that same kind of peace?

“Don't be...” I breathe, smiling sadly, “Just didn't want to say goodbye....are you free?” I ask and she blushes at my question. Before smiling brightly and nodding. Confidence was key after all, and maybe, things will be better this time around.

 

 


	9. We meet again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Epilogue

It had been years, since Damen woke up in the hotel room alone. A lifetime really. I want to say that there is a happy ending, that he figured out a way to find his Lily. But alas, that isn't what this story is about. Damen lived his days with a woman he met purely by chance, chasing memories and learning to love all over again. I can safely say that he loved each day as it came, and eventually told me about his adventure with the lady of sorrow.

Lily however, never left his side, he could not see her but she saw him. With each birthday she wished him happiness, and each bad day she would talk to him. Not expecting anything in return. She stood by his side on his wedding, the birth of his first child and grandchild and even when he couldn't walk anymore. She would sit for hours on end, watching over him. A guardian angel of sorts, I suppose. I didn't talk to her much, in the time I saw her. But I knew that the days my mother and Damen spent together had harmed her greatly. What was worse, she never asked to be thanked or even acknowledged for her time given and as I wear that silly piece of metal on my wrist, I pray she finds some happiness. Somewhere.

So, I shall tell you of the last day Damen spent on this side of things. It was a Sunday and dusk had fallen over the city. Quiet and calm, like just before a storm. I had been sat with him, after doctors had told me he didn't have long. Our family surrounded him and I had heard the door go. I hadn't expected anyone else and as I looked up to see a young woman, with long blonde hair walk in. Her eyes so old and sad, but her smile so soft. I knew she was the girl from my bedtime stories. Before she even spoke and maybe she knew that I did, but she merely nodded her head to me and looked at the man who had given me life.

Damen had been so still, tired and ready for the new start. But the moment he saw he, he seemed so happy. His dull eyes began to sparkle again, and I took a back seat as I watched the two.

“Hello again.” Her voice broke slightly as she sat on the bed, “I see you got older.” She joked and I knew it hurt her to say those words. To see him like he was, with her unchanged.

“See you haven't.” He croaked back, and I smiled so sadly, my dad was ever the joker. She reached out and brushed his cheek, so tenderly I was taken back. Had she known that this would be when she saw him next? “Where did you go...?” He asked finally, a question he had always wanted the answer too. Though he seemed to be falling into a sleep at her touch.

“I never left, silly.” She said, tears running down her cheeks. He couldn't see them through his own and it was here, I felt them reconnect after being apart. That I had seen what he was for them both, a way to keep fighting.

“I missed you.” He sounded so weak and I looked away, she was going to take him now. His own angel of death that would protect him always.

“Hush now, it's time to go. No more resets, I promise.” she said and leaned over, kissing his head like she had done so long ago. I heard his soft chuckle, one I had grown up listening too.

“Maybe...one day.” And with that, he was gone. And I felt broken without him to stand with me, my rock and my home, I looked back at the bed and the girl who had stayed by his side too, was sat there. Not a day older. She looked at me, only briefly, before she stood and walked towards the door. Each step she took from him, she faded a little bit more until she was gone.

I guess my moral of the story is not to give in to feelings of despair, as they can change. They can be true and proper and beautiful as well as painful and almost sweet agony. I had known so many, feelings that fought each day, to not give in and that I could to do it again and again if I wanted too. So, if this story has helped in any way, as my dad had helped me. Then I am grateful. And remember just one thing, you might have your own angel sitting with you right now, all it takes is a change of perception. And a whole lot of hope.

Fin.

 


End file.
